pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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