he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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