I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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