he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
