forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
