Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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