so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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