I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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