I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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