fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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