i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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