Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
