his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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