I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize