Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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