so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
