That's intense
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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