you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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