I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
