reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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