hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize