Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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