I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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