I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
