So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
