dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
