I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
