Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
