Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
