We're like a lot better than the average bears
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
