I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
