Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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