then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
