Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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