I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My ass is underappreciated
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
