I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
