How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
