haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
