your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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