my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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