you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
