Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
