I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
