I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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