my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
