saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
