my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
