He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
