Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Blood and glitter go together right?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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