So drunk its hurt
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
