JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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