I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
