Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
