Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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