i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize