You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
