it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
