How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
