i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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