It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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