i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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