How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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