Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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