So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
