The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
