His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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