Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
