So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
