seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
